My parents did a lot of things right. I have only one major complaint. In their efforts to protect their children, they taught us not to trust ourselves.
Since one can’t teach another something that one doesn’t have, this is understandable. My education, experiences with religion, and to some degree psychotherapy reinforced the attitude of learning from your betters and to question your motives. I learned to be afraid of my ”ego”, of my desires and of me. I learned to be ashamed. To relax and just allow myself to be me fully in the presence of others was way too dangerous. Trust oneself – an oxymoron.
I have been again studying some of the Buddhist and Bon thoughts on taking refuge.
Briefly stated, taking refuge is the concept of putting your intention and trust in the Teacher- Buddha, the Teachings – Dharma, and the Community – Sangha. The teachings are based upon learning to work with our mind, “ the realization of one’s nature of mind”. The Buddha-Dharma-Sangha or the Three Jewels is a path to differentiating and understanding the relative mind and the absolute mind. In my words, the mundane/relative mind is that which jabbers all the time versus what is called the absolute mind, the Buddha Mind or that part of self that is connected to the beyond.
I take refuge in what I call Spirit or Beingness, that which contains all. The Mind or Greater Self is what I call the part of me that is doing the connecting beyond the mundane mind. Bon, Tibetan Buddhism, The Sedona Method, and various Shamanic and “New Age” teachings have guided me in my understanding of the mind/Mind. A loose community of healers, Bon Po, Tibetan Buddhists, and The Sedona Method practitioners are my community. It has all been a bit eclectic, but each path fed into the other with different language explaining the same concepts. As you can’t do this alone, I have great gratitude for those teachers and fellow journeyers who have led me to a wonderful place called trusting one’s self.
My trust and faith in my relationship with Beingness/Spirit over the years has built the self-confidence to be in the world and be more open about who I am.
What I understand is that Spirit/Beingness allows for all that I am, all that we all are. It allows for both our jabbering mind and our connected Mind. As part of that, I can trust both of my minds and befriend myself “because ultimately what one can take refuge in is one’s mind.”* This is an incredible relief. Our response to the world depends on our psychological and emotional state of mind. Since everything is a projection of the mind, how can you be in the world without some trust in the process that connects you?
Webster-Merriam’s definition of trust is “assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something”. Someone a long time ago gave me a definition of trust that I love. Trust has to do with predictability. If I trust something or someone, it/they are predictable. Trust corresponds to predictable action. I may trust someone to be out for themselves or to show up on time or to be generous. I trust my mundane mind that it will try to protect me within its experiences and belief systems. My mind is totally predictable. Input in equals input out. The mind is not able to go outside its own framework. To do that I need to open up my belief systems and creativity by stepping outside and connecting to the Other. So to speak, the key is understanding who is talking. Is what I am hearing from my mind or am I hearing something beyond myself? Does it feel right and dependable to lead me to my highest good?
Listening well and the feeling are my clues to what I am listening to. (For more visual folk, seeing well will be the most powerful.)
Over the years, I have learned that for me there is a different energetic and tactile feel to my mind and to the Mind with its connection to Spirit. When the information seems to be self-centered, closed, filled with judgement, or harmful in some way, when there is a need to do something “right away” or that that somehow I need something I don’t have, these are clues that I am in a personal belief system rather than the expanded Mind. I often use my dowsing to check. Lots of times I misread what I am hearing, but then I just get more information on how to hear better next time.
In general, the Mind’s talking has a quiet, relaxed, timeless, and open feeling. In Spirit, all is possible and nurturing. I can’t access this connection unless I am somewhat in its energy field. The teachings have taught me ways to slow down enough to begin to be able to listen, be present, and be conscious. Sometimes, it takes a while to get back to me. One of the reasons that this time of year is so powerful to me is the Earth is offering us a seven-week meditation. It is so much easier to contemplate our Mind, our teachers and teachings, and our Path with the help. I love trusting myself.
*“The Four Thoughts and the Vinaya Vow: Part One” Venerable Dzigar Kingtrul Rinpoche 1993